Enough Is Enough

Cold season is the worst, especially when you're trying to get your act together and make a HEALTHY lifestyle change. I spent four days fighting off what could of turned into full blown flue but thankfully didn't because I was on top of things. However, this did set me back on my road towards my goals. Seems that at some point right at the start I also have something like this happen and then sets in the negative. I was at the end of week three and I got sick, with four days out. I started back on Monday and today with working my way back into it to not do over kill because my body was sill healing, tomorrow though is GO TIME!! Enough negative....I have a hard time believing I'll ever get results and reach my goals, partly cause I never have. I see everyone around me that pushes like me and they get/see change, I on the other hand do not. As said though, ENOUGH!

 

I look back on my life and never thought I'd have my mental health to this status it is now. Living in the happy and gloom free without the fear of trauma ahead but instead the knowledge that ya rough tides may come but my ocean is beautiful and full of life. So if I never knew that was possible and it was, then why should I not believe this to be any different? You're right, IT'S NOT!! So it's time to suck it up, so that I don't have to suck it in. Time to keep pushing and not only doing but believing. Time to do whatever it takes to get what I've always wanted. This is week four and my goals are repeating week three since I did not get to stick with them. Focusing on the Set Myself Up For Success: Pack lunches/dinners for work, take the roads that don't pass fast food, eat before going out with friends, drink lots of water and no alcohol, work out, positive thoughts and just focus on how far I have come and NOT how far I still think/feel/want/have to go.

 

Progress Is Progress

This past weekend I had one of my very best friends come and visit me. This always makes it difficult to stay on track with healthy eating and working out. However, I noticed change within myself. I still had more bad meals than good, BUT there were still good. I also didn't work out as hard as I have been, but I was active and walking around all day plus I DID work out on Sunday after she left. To me these are different changes that I would not have done before. Also, I did not and do not feel guilty for having an "off track" weekend and that is BIG. Normally I would and that is where the struggle would set in. I would think "oh gosh I slipped up so much, I failed, there is not point...boo hoo" GAH SO ANNOYING RIGHT!!!? Well not this time, this time it was "so I had a few bad meals, well I also picked a few good too when I could of just ate bad the whole time. I also worked out too and normally I would never have done that. So no, I didn't fail. No I wasn't as good as I should be, but it's done now and the week starts and I'll continue to push and be focused like I was EVEN this weekend when I wasn't as "good"".

 

PROGRESS IS PROGRESS....might be slow, might come and go. Doing it and continue to do it is what matters though, because not doing it will most definitely NOT get you there either.

 

This is week three and so far my only change is within my mind. That is OK because as I said previously my biggest struggle is believing and well now, now I'm believing. I may never have seen my body be the way I am wanting to get it, but that does not mean that it can't look the way I am going to make it. PROGRESS IS PROGRESS and I'll take it any way I can get it.

 

Week Three Goals:

-do Insanity workout at least twice a week

-drink lots of water

-continue to be positive and talk more with supporters that are far away

-Gym 6x a week (Insanity will count as my toning for now...)

-Eat healthy and not let my "slips" over the weekend distract me from continuing to do well

 

My reason for adding Insanity this week and only two days vs the 60 day Challenge that it really is, is because of another struggle. I love Turbo Fire and Insanity and for those of you who know or don't know these are challenges that you do every day and get a calender to follow to finish in 60-90 days. Well I always seem to get thrown off the challenge because I'd work a 12hr shift, or friends would visit, or something would come up where I would get off on the Day that I'm suppose to be doing so then I'd think "oh gosh have to wait til that day rolls around again and then hit it hard" WEEELLLL I realize that is dumb reason to not do it, to always get thrown off, and think I fail at the challenge. SO I have decided to say SCREW THE DAY, FOCUS ON THE WORKOUT. I will be doing the Insanity workout, and on the days that I don't I'll be doing other workouts, I also would like to do extra cardio on the days I do actually do Insanity. I will do EVERY workout, but I wont care about the day. If I do two days in a row great(or more), but can't do the next no big deal I'll do whatever workout I can and then whenever the next day rolls around that I can do the Insanity work out, I'll start out where I left off. Soooo no I guess technically it's still not doing the challenge cause it is not done in 60days but I'll still do EVERY work out and to me that's the whole point. Plus I'll be doing other workouts, and no if I don't do the Insanity I wont do nothing, I'll just do something else. I'm proud of this idea of mine and excited to see where it brings me. Why punish myself for the failure of a time frame when PROGRESS IS PROGRESS and what counts is the WORK OUT!!

 

 

What's Your Progress?

 

 

Appointments=No Cancelations Accepted!!

I recently received amazing news about my health. Most people don't know but I have had some pre-cancer cells for about 4 years now and yesterday I found out that they have officially cleared!!!! Why do I mention this now, because I realized that I never canceled an appointment. I never risked not making sure I was doing everything I could to keep watch on the progress of these cells.....so why don't I treat my health all around the same way!!! My workout time needs to be an appointment and NO CANCELATIONS!!!

It is week two and my goals are to continue to focus on eating healthy. This week though I take that to a next level by keeping track of when I choose to eat healthy than eat my cravings. When I do this I will track the dollar amount of what it is I wanted to eat and I will do this until May. Then when I am all moved I will take that money saved and but new clothes!!! I will also workout 6x this week, with two days doing Pinterest workouts that include weights and toning. I will continue to drink lots of water and positive thinking.

I had a day over the weekend where I changed 5x because I couldn't decide what looked worse....I am know that feeling to well and look forward to the day that I change 5x because I can't decide what looks better!!! In the last three years I have changed my life dramatically and have my mental health getting healthy! In the last year I have got a licensure for my bachelors of social work and accepted into a master program in another state! 2013....I have decided to go to that school and take one of the biggest/best risks of my life, I am going to start that next chapter of life in May. Also as I said found out very relieving news about my health....2013 WILL BE MY SUCCESS! I believe I can do this and I believe that when you are on the right path in life it can truly be breath taking!!!!

I dare you to swim with the current and not against it! I dare you to loose yourself because you will find the you that is truer than true! I dare you to be afraid but do it anyway!!!! LIVE ANYWAY!!! Take your life back....2013 , can't wait for the next happy/good thing to happen, can you!?

Do It 'Til I Believe

Part of this accountability is that I have a notebook where I write down my goals (by week), progress, food, and exercise. This was one of my helpful tips an inspiring friend advised me to do. See I mentioned doing this blog to give and get support, well I have it but miles away. This makes it easy to not follow through, that no one knows but me. I constantly wish for these supporters to be closer and to kick my butt into sticking to it, but truth is thats not gonna happen and if this matters to me then all I should need is me! Of course I'll still take the far away support :)

This weeks goals are: LOTS of water, Gym 6x this week with two of those days doing toning exercises, Eat Healthy, and most importantly POSITIVE THINKING!!

That last ones in caps because its my biggest challenge, definetly the reason to all my stop and start struggles. See lots of people get suprised that I have confidence issues, heck even I am at times cause I am pretty spectacular ;) lol. But honestly I have never thought my outside mached my inside, always been the bigger girl (actually got harassed alot for it while growing up), and sadly hearing negative body image talk growing up within my family. So for me the mind is the hardest part....but today I decided I am gonna do this til I believe that I can achieve the image I have always desired, til its a habbit, a lifestyle change. I also decided that if I could do the work and get my mental health better, than getting healthy otherwise should be 10x easier for me to do because God knows that the cards I been delt in life were bigger/more of a challenge than any fat on this body that went through it!

So here goes week one!

Live and Let Live

When someone says you have changed...It's usually cause you've stopped living life there way. Over the last three years I have grown more and CHANGED in ways that I never new needed, possible, imaginable, healthy, or amazing it all could be. Basically I'll toot my own horn and say, gosh I'm so proud of me :). I smile more than I frown, I laugh for no reason, I have energy to do things, hell I find it hard to sleep away the day and take a nap when that use to be all I ever wanted, I have found peace in others and in myself. I've realized the way I have lived for so long and the neglect to myself was undeniably true and real. That the reason I never got put first was because I wasn't even on my own list. My weakness is I care to much and have a big heart and wear myself thin with always being there for others. I still do this, the difference is I've learned to do it in ways that still keep me healthy, that keep my own issues in check, that basically ME is important too. Doing this has caused me to have very little in my life, but of that very little it has never been more real, true, honest, good, loving, and supportive. Sure does my memory cause me ache for things that I miss-yes, do I regret the life I have lived til now-no but for the first time I'm not happy for the way life is or what is happening as a moment to moment but I'm happy cause of me. That I finally have taken my own advice and done the work, accepted my life for what it has been and for knowing it doesn't have to still be that way. For letting go of that awkward out of place sad girl in all the old picture frames and making her proud instead by setting her free with a new confidence in many many ways. For forgiving the girl who has only known being a victim and rewarding her with a love that takes her breath away continuously. For being OK with wanting to fight, tell people when things are not OK(stand up for myself), for love, for friendship, and to have it shown to me every day that I am worth something to, that I am just as important to them as they are to me by them putting me in their life the way I put them in mine. In fact dealing with all the PTSD has shown me that I can't always make someone love me, that all I can be is someone who can be loved(that starts by me loving me) and then the rest is up to them. That no matter how hard I try or care, some people just don't try or care back and most of all...that, that is OK and it's not the end of the world.

 

I am starting this blog to hopefully be inspiring to not only others but for myself. I have done a lot a work on my life and getting to a much better place. Healing my Mind, Mending my Heart, Fixing my Soul, and now I'm going to create the Body to match it all. So this blog is for support both given and need on my journey to continuing this lifestyle I have come to love and the lifestyle I'm determined to have. I may not have known that I was always struggling with my life, but I have been aware that I have always struggled with my appearance. Now that I have got my inside sparkling, I want my outside to be that, to reflect this AMAZING person I always knew I was but now finally am. I don't have everything I want and I am not yet where exactly I hope to be, but I am better than where I was, I am blessed for all that I never new I needed, I am thankful for all that I have lost, and I am passionate for all that I know will be....

 

This is me..

I'm at ease

I'm more than Pleased.I'm sorrowful and rejoyceful

But I am stronger than ever could be

Me as it is, is the best me I've always seen but never let lived.

Now there will be no stopping me because what is meant to be will be, worrying wont change a thing, those who matter don't mind while those who mind don't matter, and as always the rainbow will come after the rain so when it pours I just spread my arms and dance the tears away cause it's a funny thing about life that the harder it gets the more worth it, it can seem. So no not everything is peachy 100% of the time, but for me that is good cause that was always the one thing I thought I had to hide. By doing this, by learning this, by becoming this my CHANGE has set me free. My CHANGE has let me grow. My CHANGE has given me hope. MY CHANGE HAS BROUGHT ME, ME.