Live and Let Live

When someone says you have changed...It's usually cause you've stopped living life there way. Over the last three years I have grown more and CHANGED in ways that I never new needed, possible, imaginable, healthy, or amazing it all could be. Basically I'll toot my own horn and say, gosh I'm so proud of me :). I smile more than I frown, I laugh for no reason, I have energy to do things, hell I find it hard to sleep away the day and take a nap when that use to be all I ever wanted, I have found peace in others and in myself. I've realized the way I have lived for so long and the neglect to myself was undeniably true and real. That the reason I never got put first was because I wasn't even on my own list. My weakness is I care to much and have a big heart and wear myself thin with always being there for others. I still do this, the difference is I've learned to do it in ways that still keep me healthy, that keep my own issues in check, that basically ME is important too. Doing this has caused me to have very little in my life, but of that very little it has never been more real, true, honest, good, loving, and supportive. Sure does my memory cause me ache for things that I miss-yes, do I regret the life I have lived til now-no but for the first time I'm not happy for the way life is or what is happening as a moment to moment but I'm happy cause of me. That I finally have taken my own advice and done the work, accepted my life for what it has been and for knowing it doesn't have to still be that way. For letting go of that awkward out of place sad girl in all the old picture frames and making her proud instead by setting her free with a new confidence in many many ways. For forgiving the girl who has only known being a victim and rewarding her with a love that takes her breath away continuously. For being OK with wanting to fight, tell people when things are not OK(stand up for myself), for love, for friendship, and to have it shown to me every day that I am worth something to, that I am just as important to them as they are to me by them putting me in their life the way I put them in mine. In fact dealing with all the PTSD has shown me that I can't always make someone love me, that all I can be is someone who can be loved(that starts by me loving me) and then the rest is up to them. That no matter how hard I try or care, some people just don't try or care back and most of all...that, that is OK and it's not the end of the world.

 

I am starting this blog to hopefully be inspiring to not only others but for myself. I have done a lot a work on my life and getting to a much better place. Healing my Mind, Mending my Heart, Fixing my Soul, and now I'm going to create the Body to match it all. So this blog is for support both given and need on my journey to continuing this lifestyle I have come to love and the lifestyle I'm determined to have. I may not have known that I was always struggling with my life, but I have been aware that I have always struggled with my appearance. Now that I have got my inside sparkling, I want my outside to be that, to reflect this AMAZING person I always knew I was but now finally am. I don't have everything I want and I am not yet where exactly I hope to be, but I am better than where I was, I am blessed for all that I never new I needed, I am thankful for all that I have lost, and I am passionate for all that I know will be....

 

This is me..

I'm at ease

I'm more than Pleased.I'm sorrowful and rejoyceful

But I am stronger than ever could be

Me as it is, is the best me I've always seen but never let lived.

Now there will be no stopping me because what is meant to be will be, worrying wont change a thing, those who matter don't mind while those who mind don't matter, and as always the rainbow will come after the rain so when it pours I just spread my arms and dance the tears away cause it's a funny thing about life that the harder it gets the more worth it, it can seem. So no not everything is peachy 100% of the time, but for me that is good cause that was always the one thing I thought I had to hide. By doing this, by learning this, by becoming this my CHANGE has set me free. My CHANGE has let me grow. My CHANGE has given me hope. MY CHANGE HAS BROUGHT ME, ME.